*Problems

yeah. got lots of problems when the attachment came. i have to say sorry to my OPX. i can't get saturday off. it's a busy day, please understand.

anyways. when i was going home today, three girls came on board at Raffles Place. and then one of them said, "eh? that's (pronounced) Kai right?" in malay. so i only took a glance at them. they wasn't looking at me. someone else. i just ignore them til they went off. yeah so? i'm the guy alone there. haha. i don't fucking care.

i hope.

Everything burns,
Everyone screams,
Burning their lives,
Burning my dreams,
Watching it all fade away...

GORE.10:15 PM

*Finally the Attachment

finally i've got attachment. been so fucking bored these few days. got a place at Sim Lim Jai Maa store thanks to Zarie and Ariz.

the week before:

*wednesday*
Tok's birthday. met up with Matt after the longest time. i love you Matt!

*thursday*
slack.

*friday*
slack. Zarie's birthday. rushing Mr Swami for attachment.

*saturday & sunday*
went to Pasir Ris Costa Sands Resort. the only teen there. bored. freaky. madness - at other chalets i mean.

so there.

i'm missing you.

Deception and disgrace,
The blood on your face...

GORE.10:29 PM

*While The Rest Work, I Stay At Home

yes. here i am at home, rotting my own flesh, as the rest of my classmates get to go for attachment. fuck it. i'm fucking wasting my time away and the only thing i can do is practice on my guitar. not a bad thing though.

ok, OPX got two originals on the verge of completion. it should be finished by next jam session. i can't wait for the recording session. the last recording session was great. OPX forever, i love you guys. Deng, stay safe at the seminar in KL dude.

i'm trying to make it a weekly thing to go to the Esplanade on Friday or on Saturday. i just love it there, i can't explain why. so all you people might find me at Esplanade on these two days. maybe alone, with a notepad or a sketch book and a pencil in my hands. writing words or retouching my drawing skills. so all of you who want to come along with me, you're invited.

i'm missing someone but i don't know who.

Emptiness inside my heart,
I hold myself as I fall apart,
Cry alone in this deep dark cell,
Which is my heart and nowhere else...

GORE.9:54 PM

*Eve - Last Night For Us

yeah. this might be the last night for Bonsai to be together cause it's IAP time on monday. until 15th October. news to all of you Bonsais. Mr Swami called me and said my company didn't want students so i'm left without a company. what the fuck...

Last Train Home's jamming was cancelled due to no attendance. instead in the process of planning on going to Esplanade tomorrow, after OPX's jamming, with Bonsai. THOSE WHOM I KNOW AND WANT TO GO TO THE ESPLANADE TOO CALL ME. i got no cash for tomorrow's jamming damn it. i got to beg my mom for it. so i'm left thinking on how to do that.

yesterday went out with Zarie and Faizal after school for some last outing together. you know, IAP. went to Queensway then to Funan then to Peninsula and at night went out to the pasar malam nearby. got a pentacle pendant and a new stud belt.

Twinnie got her things back. good. finally. at last. how long have she been waiting? i've lost count.

thinking about the past makes me realise that i've changed dramatically. i think only Twinnie, Danny and NJ knows how i've changed through the years. to those people who ruined my past: i won't hold grudges against any of you. but the least you could do is apologise sincerely. not with a fake face and a forced voice. you stupid shits will see me on stage with a guitar in my hands being different. this excludes one fucking stupid shit on the apologising part. don't bother, i abhor you more than you think.

it's good that Matsumoto Hideto's or rather hide's voice in his songs can still make me happy.

people = shit.

In two it dies,
Once and for all dice away...

GORE.3:59 PM

*The Sic Arrives Today

UPDATE:
ADDED EXTRA SHIT AT
"the undead" AND "the memories".

16th August. Slipknot arrives in Singapore. damn it. i wish i could go. fuck. but to think, i got to save money to buy guitar stuff like...a gadget of my own...new pickups (DiMarzio)...that fucking Ibanez guitar that's still hanging at Swee Lee! damn! i want it!! hope that during Hari Raya i'll get at least $200 bucks for pickup or gadget. i got to think of my band first. we're just emerging as a band. at least some people know us already. trusted friends and family support us in everyway. my mom even said that she wanted to organize a gig for us.

for my wants, i want an mp3 player! i want a nokia 7610! that Ibanez guitar with the pearl gothic crosses inlays! damn it.

i'm glad too see that most of my friends around me are happy.

next monday is IAP. can't think straight.

i got to throw this thing called "love" away. it's making me go crazy. fuck it, Hide, you'll never rest well until you forget everything about this shit.

my life's a lie.

A good friend once told me,
We're our memory,
Without it we equal nothing...

GORE.12:12 PM

*The Days Of This Phionical Martyr

"nothing tears the being more than deception, unmaked fear".

this phrase means alot to me. i don't know why, but since 2000 i've lost friends and gained as much as soon as i arrived in ite, the Bonsai. and more with my mom's YISS Klaz group. also with the circle of Obscure Phionix's friends. haha. one thing i don't have, love. well, who needs it right? i don't care anymore. whoever wants to make me her boyfriend, by all means come, whoever (except those typical minah rips, to hell with you and of course my exs). desperation? no. this is pure boredom with life itself. but the occasional outings and events with OPX and family brings abit of fun into my already bored life.

in other thoughts - i really want to go to Esplanade with Obscure Phionix, Bonsai, the Klaz YISS related people and my twinnie and her group. haha. sorry Sue, twinnie just sounds nice. hahahahha.

and her. huh? lol.

NOTICE:
PEOPLE WHO KNOW MY NUMBER ARE
WELCOME TO CALL ME ANYTIME.
incoming free now. can talk as much as i want. muahahahahha.

I NEED MORE FRIGGIN' CONTACTS TO TALK TO.
I'M SO FUCKED BORED THAT I'M
HYPER-VENTILATING.

yeah, her.

Ascend above the ashes,
Of the world I once knew,
Ascendancy is the only thing,
This will prove...

It's our curse,
That makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings...

GORE.6:48 PM

*Restless

yeah. boredom strikes again. feeling restless. had fun at jamming today. everyone was having fun with the originals. moved off from Yishun at 4. reached home at 5. that's when the boredom starts to seep in. *yawn* zzzzzz...

her face in my mind.

Oh no, here it is again,
I need to know when I'll fall in to decay,
Something wrong with every plan of my life,
I didn't really notice that you've been here,
Dolefully desired,
Destiny of a lie,
Set me free,
Your heaven's a lie,
Set me free with your love,
Set me free,
Oh no, here it is again,
I need to know why did I choose to betray you,
Something wrong with all the plans of my life,
I didn't realize that you've been here,
Dolefully desired,
Destiny of a lie,
Set me free,
Your heaven's a lie,
Set me free with your love,
Set me free,
Set me free,
Your heaven's a lie,
Set me free with your love,
Set me free...

GORE.10:43 PM

*Morning Darkness

here i am again sitting infront of the computer, blogging. huh. been tired this whole week. monday, to stuff at school then Ms Tiffany treat us to Pizza Hut. she spent about $300. tuesday, went out with Aproman, Meow, Deng, Danny and Iqah. tired. everywhere was packed. wednesday, long school hours and jamming after that. started on original. laughed insanely with Matnur and Deng on the way home. thursday, boredom and napfa test during s&w. in between that played Toxicity with three different drummers. Firdaus, Matnur and Bazli. Baz wanted to get the drumming right so had to play it over and over again. haha.

my plans for today. do my 3D Max project, practice on my guitar, slack.

my thoughts for today. everything. including...

my listens for today. Plug In Baby, Remenissions, Unholy Confessions, Second Heartbeat, I Won't See You Tonight Part I, Radiant Eclipse, Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr, Like Light To The Flies, Someone's Standing On My Chest, A Vampire's Laments, Lip Gloss And Black, Dead Skin Mask, Dice, Beauty And Stupid, Pink Spider, Hurry Go Round, Tell Me, Goodbye, Rocket Dive, Doubt '98, Shine, Karasu, Cage, Obscure, In The Story, X, Weekend, Kurenai, Dahlia, Tears, Endless Rain, Rusty Nail, Longing, Scars, Rose Of Pain, Say Anything...

my watches for today. Heaven's A Lie, Stand My Ground, Swamped, Rocket Dive, Tell Me, X (Live With Luna Sea), X, Dahlia, Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr, Endless Rain, Shine, Tears, Rusty Nail, X-Japan Last Live...

boredom strikes again. and again.

killing me from the inside.

I wish I could be the one,
The one who won't care at all,
Being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go no one's guiding me,
When time soaked with blood turns it's back,
I know it's hard to fall,
Confined here in me was your heart,
I know it's hurting you but it's killing me...

Never will I forget you and all the memories past,
So rarely I get to see your face...

To me you were my life,
To me you were my soul companion,
Now you are so far away,
Nothing can take away the times and the memories we've had...

I feel time passes by regrets for the rest of my life,
The ones who I confide were gone in the black of the night...

GORE.11:06 AM

*Outing At Fullerton Bridge

yesterday was a good day. it was fun. really fun. there was Aproman, Meow, Deng, Danny, Iqah and me. so we took a 30 minute walk from City Hall Interchange to Fullerton Bridge. yes, 30 minutes, one whole big round. then we hung out near the spitting Merlion and wait for the night to end. the whole group of us were talking and talking non-stop. Deng and me took turns playing Danny's PSP. and Iqah was there to liven everything else up. i kept singing Plug In Baby's chorus over and over again. and everytime i sing it, Aproman and Deng kept on going - "i prefer Jun singing that". and i was - "uuuggghhhh".

to think that everyone looked up to the sky when the air show as on. Iqah and i were the only ones sitting. at least from my view. i was only waiting for the fireworks. which came from 4 sides. it was beautiful. just spectacular.

after the fireworks we headed out to Marina Square to meet Fiona and Iqah's brother, Aniq. and guess what, the whole trip all of us had partners. as in two by two. and it took us more than 30 minutes to move from the Merlion to Esplanade. along the way i "accidentally" kicked Dan's leg, a miscalculation. tried to help him up but instead Aproman moshed on me. then Deng tried to hurdle and almost fell on his face. that was the only time i felt we were having fun and energetic during the walk. the rest of the way was dull. when we're already at the Esplanade, Iqah was gone. met her brother at City Hall instead. pity she's attached.

soonafter met Fiona and Is for a while. then went to Marina's arcade there to chill for awhile and have some drinks. then went to Esplanade's bay again to meet Fiona and Is. again. chilled for half and hour or so and then moved out heading for home.

the trip home was ok. Danny, Deng and me looked back on the outing. touching abit on our past along the way. we dropped off at Jurong East and went to 7-11 to get some refreshments. walked abit to Science Centre's bus stop and waited for 198.

the aftermath. a fucking aching body. head to toe.

as long as it takes.

My plug in baby,
Crucifies my enemies,
When I'm tired of giving,
My plug in baby,
In unbroken virgin realities,
Is tired of living...

Cause I want it now,
I want you now,
Give me your heart and your soul,
I'm not breaking down,
Not breaking out,
Last chance to lose control...

GORE.8:19 AM

*Last Night

last night.

Obscure Phionix was the firestarter for the bands for the Fuxion Gig at Rouge. it was great but to be honest, there were some problems with the sound system. that was the first time we actually performed with headbangs and poses. and it was sure the first time anyone ever came near the stage to headbang with us. thanks to those who supported us. thanks to those who came. thanks to the organizers. and finally thanks to those who headbanged with us!

Obscure Phionix. Forever Obscure.

the greatest time.

Stand my ground I won't give in,
No more denying I got to face it,
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside,
If I don't make it then someone else will,
Stand my ground...

GORE.4:43 PM

*Pull Harder On My Strings

3 days left to FUXION - http://obscurephionix.blogspot.com
get you tickets now! ordering closes on Thurs, 4th August, 5pm!

nothing can describe how i feel now. rage, anger, sorrow, lonliness and distrust. stand back as hatred runs in my blood again.

i do not want this to happen to me. to us.

The face, and the lips tremble as it rips,
Your breath quickening as heat rushes in,
Pull harder strings martyr,
Stop, you cry, that's a lie,
Flush, gasping, white, reddening,
You smile and destroy it - it's time we end this,
It's our curse that makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings,
Clawing the skin, each your weakness,
Annihilation, your masturbation - tyrant, I'll burn you down,
Pull harder strings martyr,
Stop, you cry, that's a lie,
Flush, gasping, white, reddening,
You smile and destroy it - it's time we end this,
It's our curse that makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings,
It's our curse that makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings,
My hands grip your throat I need your end,
Burned, staked, ripped apart - I avenge,
For every life you have taken,
I am here to repay,
You ask me "oh, God why",
Cause I'm God fucking why,
For every life you have taken,
I am here to repay,
Pull harder strings martyr,
Stop, you cry, that's a lie,
Flush, gasping, white, reddening,
You smile and destroy it - it's time we end this,
It's our curse that makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings,
It's our curse that makes this world so hopeless,
Allowing our king to spread his genocidal wings...

GORE.6:13 PM