*Look At Me Now

NOTICE: 7 DAYS UNTIL FIRST STEPS.

hmm. what's going on? really i have so many things going on. i can't say it all. some i prefer not to share. i guess that i'm reminiscing now.

sunday. i went out, had a great time. i mean it. it's the best i've spent. i just went out. did this, did that. all in all, at the end of the day. i loved every minute of it.

it's nerve-wrecking when there's a gig coming up. i'm excited and at the same time, nervous. it's not the first time i've performed. there's so many times i've been on stage performing infront of crowds. alongside my secondary school cca, the military band; with my secondary school friends in a band, WATZ; and not forgetting with Obscure Phionix. it's big. The Substation. wow.

Obscure Phionix, it's seems that we're going smoothly. i'd like it to stay that way. i'd do anything just to keep this band together, whatever it might take. but no large sacrifice. i just don't want us to go our separate ways.

"one for all, all for one, we are strong, we are one,
one for all, all for one, we are one..."

friendship forged and friendship worn. it's like a big game. at first you'd get along with them and then towards the end everything changes. i prefer my friends outside. don't ask, i just don't know why.

"too many times i've seen it, rip a hole into our friendship,
this is how it's been, how it's always be,
you think you're above me, but i need to end this,
four words to choke upon,
look at me now..."

to think of it, i'm enjoying life now. it's great. let's see. i've formed a band, the greatest love of my life is beside me and i'm changing. improving if you will. and all of this wouldn't happen if the past didn't happen. all the mistakes, all the things i've done, all the shit i gone through. i'm grateful.

it's been hard but not impossible since there's no maid to take care of my little sister. i think it really puts my responsibilities in place. if for some reason i can't make it out, i'm sorry people. it's either spent at home, with Obscure Phionix or with Freakinly Mine. i'm sorry, i have priorities.

you know, without Freakinly Mine beside me, i don't know where to go. i'd feel lost. never have i felt this kind of attachment to someone. Freakinly Mine, i love you.

so, let's stop all of this constant ranting or bitching as some of you would call it. i got things to do.

Freakinly Mine, i love you and i miss you.

insanely yours,
Qhai

this life.

Betrayed one more time,
But somewhere down that line,
You're gonna get what's coming to you,
Look at me now, look at me now,
Pull the knife from my back,
To leave the one inside intact,
I can't wait to return the favour,
Look at me now, look at me now,
Too many times I've seen it,
Rip a hole into our friendship,
This is how it's been, how it always be,
You think you're above me,
But now I need to end this,
Four words to choke upon,
Look at me now...

A malicious fever burns in our heart,
In our veins, new blood,
My blood, our blood,
Runs the same,
One for all,
All for one,
We are strong,
We are one,
One for all,
All for one,
We are one,
Nemesis...

GORE.6:17 PM

*First Steps

ok people. here the deal.

FIRST STEPS

Date: 7th December 2005, Wednesday
Venue: The Substation

Tickets sold at $6, no sale at door as i've heard. so those who want the tickets do contact me.

why is this a big deal?

CAUSE MY BAND'S PERFORMING.

GORE.7:46 PM

*Devout Metalhead

i'm at school. yes. at school. boredom. i repeat: boredom.

school schedule is slacked.

Monday: No Class
Tuesday: 0800-1200 (MDA Rm1406); 1330-1700 (JVP Rm1304)
Wednesday: 0900-1200 (MDA Rm1406); 1300-1500 (DAVP Rm1405)
Thursday: 0900-1200 (DAVP Rm1405); 1300-1430 (JCP Rm1304); 1430-1600 (JCU Rm2412); 1600-1700 (XS2 Hall)
Friday: No Class

so that means i'm free on monday and friday. damned slack. and guess what, our one week holiday period is from 25th December til 3rd January. hah. one month of school and break time.

yesterday's jamming was held at school. jammed our asses off, for four hours. back in synchronisation again. damn the original sounds nicer. maybe it's the ending or just maybe we're doing it more seriously. it's great. one thing though. i don't know the name of our original. haha. people, please be free on 7th of December. my band, Obscure Phionix, is performing at The Substation. the gig name is "First Step". it's for first timers. meaning those who never performed before. but thinking back, OPX have performed before. heh. i'm just glad we're on the same side again. although things might seem a little tense at times.

i'm exploring the metal world. being a "devout metalhead". haha. i'm going to search for more metal bands. be it gothic metal, death metal, black metal, heavy metal, trash metal or whatever. i'm glad to see my guitar skills are picking up.

my dear, Freakinly Mine. a three words for you. i love you. looking forward to our next meeting. i really love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai

united we stand.

Aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream,
All the stars right out the sky,
And destroy the prettiest starry night,
Every evening that I die,
Live, Love, Burn, Die...

Too many times I've seen it,
Rip a hole in our friendship,
This is how it's been,
How it always be,
You think you're above me,
But now I need to end this,
Four words to choke upon,
Look at me now,
Look at me now...

GORE.9:44 AM

*Celebrating The Birth Of Yoshiki

yes, yesterday was Hayashi Yoshiki's 40th Birthday. well, it might not be important to most of the people out there but to X-Japan fans and Visual Kei fans i bet it does. the owner of Extasy International and Extasy Japan. he's a great musician, i'd say. happy 40th Yoshiki.

school is starting. haha. monday and friday off. hahahah! nice schedule for us slackers. i'd be great to see the usual faces again after a long break. and of course the people i miss back at the Live Band room. i hope nothing's changed. i'd be going in and out of the Live Band room more than usual i think. hahaha.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

i'm loving each moment of my life. hahahaha. i'm missing her already. damn.

believe it or not. i'm reminiscing the memories alot nowadays. i just don't know why. i'd never relive the days. just never. cause every good thing that's happening to me wouldn't happen if the past was different. i'd never change if the past didn't happen. i'd still be the stuck up hard ass of a loner back in those days. say goodbye to the past.

sorry, don't have nothing much to say nowadays. maybe when school starts.

insanely yours,
Qhai

i love you more.

Look at this photograph,
Everytime it makes me laugh,
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
Every memory of looking out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say,
It's time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye,
Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say,
It's time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye,
I miss that town,
I miss their faces,
You can't erase,
You can't replace it,
I miss it now,
I can't believe it,
So hard to say,
Too hard to leave it,
Look at this photograph,
Every time I do it makes me laugh,
Every time I do it makes me...

You know I'm a dreamer,
But my heart's of gold,
I had to run away high,
Cause I couldn't go home low,
Just when things went right,
Suddenly it all went wrong,
Just take this song,
And you'll never feel left all alone,
Take me to your heart,
Feel me in your bones,
Just one more night,
And I'm coming off this long winding road,
I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
Tonight, tonight,
I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
You know that I've seen,
Too many romantic dreams,
Up in lights,
Falling off the silver screen,
My heart's like an open book,
For the whole world to read,
Sometimes nothing,
Keeps me together at the seams,
I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
I'm on my way,
Just set me free,
Home sweet home,
Just take this song,
And you'll never feel left all alone...

GORE.9:13 AM

*First Raya With Obscure Phionix

15th of November 2005. marks the day Obscure Phionix have their first raya together. yeah it was fun. but actually gone off the time limit. it was a fun day spent with Obscure Phionix and of course Freakinly Mine. we were having fun after a long time. Obscure Phionix, i hope we stay together for a long time. no promises but heck.

after yesterday, i think i love Freakinly Mine more. hah. i really do love her more.

oh yeah. on the music side, Obscure Phionix is going to have a performance on the 7th of December. "First Steps" at the Substation. people who want the tickets please do call me. thanks.

my sweeping is getting faster.

insanely yours,
Qhai

i love you.

I'm on my way,
I'm on my way,
Home sweet home,
Tonight, tonight,
I'm on my way,
Just set me free,
Home sweet home...

GORE.3:04 PM

*Is This The Way To Go?

now i've seen it all. friends i trusted don't even trust me. do you think i'm lying? it's up to you. it doesn't concern me anymore. blood doesn't seem important too. you think what you like, you're making your own grave. never have you seen it in my shoes. i'm different. you know me? hah, you barely do.

is this the way to celebrate my first month with her? with shit happening at night? if this not going to end, i'm going to make it end with me dissappearing. if things doesn't look up soon, i'm going to do that. people, think of what you say. put yourselves in other people's shoes. KNOW THE SITUATION. do you even bother? i guess not.

other than that, my day was great. went out to Peninsula to get new strings and picks.

that's all i can say right now. you people want to know what's happening, call me.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai

die in the sequence.

Everything burns,
Everyone screams,
Burning their lives,
Burning my dreams,
All of this faith,
And all of this pain,
Burning all down,
Cause my anger reigns,
Everything burns,
Watching it all fade away...

I push my fingers into my eyes,
It's the only thing that slowly stop the ache,
But it's made of all the things I have to take,
Oh, it never ends,
It push its way inside,
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it...

GORE.9:38 AM

*Short Update

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

Cousins, i miss you all.

Friends, hear from you all again.

Obscure Phionix, i love you all. stay strong.

insanely yours,
Qhai

stay strong.

I felt the hate rise up in me,
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves,
I wander out where you can't see,
Inside my shell I wait and bleed...

GORE.6:31 PM

*Raya

ok, raya was fun. here's the details.

thursday:

went to Nenek's place. stayed there the whole day. it was fun, see those i never seen for a long time. good food. the people i missed - everyone. haha. to think i sat in front of the tv most of the time and enjoyed watching Suria. first time. seriously, first time. everyone came to that one house. and my family had nowhere else to go on that day. and of course that whole day, i was missing her.

saturday:

went to my father's place first to get changed. then off to Nyayi's place. met up with Yaqin, Shafik and Iman there. damn i miss all of them. the first house me, Shafik, Yaqin and Iman attacked the food when we reached there. haha. then Nasrool appeared. damn, i miss that rapper. from there it everything fell into place. after the arrival of Nasrool, Cik Adam's family came down. then the rest of Nasrool's family came down. Meow and Nasreen, especially. ok, 4 families, 3 vehicles. total up the people...it's around...22 people? haha. we had to make adjustments if we're going to travel the whole Singapore. so the second house not much. third, Ridhwan's place. good food. catered food. got to strum abit there. from there, we started becoming crazy and i forgot everything else. hahahah. so, when i remember, i'll update.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai

i rejoice in the happiness.

Kau auraku...

GORE.7:34 PM

*Back To Being Medieval

alright. Faizal, bro, i've taken your advice. i'm going to keep it low but not to the extend of being so low. i love her and i'm not afraid to say it to the whole world. Twinnie, thanks for supporting me for so long. heh. now people, stop using my tagboard as a battlefield. in case if you've not noticed, my blog...MY RULES. hahahahahhaha.

now i'm back to being medieval and metal-minded. hah. you guys want to know what's going on in my music life?

actually i have no idea what going on with the band. some miscommunication i think. Obscure Phionix, we'll get through this. and Deng bro, please, if you can make it on the 9th do come down. we're having our gig on the 7th of december and i can see that we need to get back in synchronisation. we've gone through shit before and we'll go through again. so my bros and Meow, please stay close. and that's why i rather say nothing about my music life at this moment of time. not all of you can solve my band's problem.

alright friends, let's set things on track. this metalhead got lots of plans in his life and he's going to go through all of it. i'm going to practice harder on my guitar. going to improve my scaling and solos. so, if i'm not online or i don't answer the phone to you. it only means three things...i'm practicing, i'm jamming or i'm on the phone with her. any of you got any problem with that please say it out now. of course i'm going to keep my contacts close but please, i can't be by all your sides 24/7.

hell, my three times i went to Geylang...fucking mat and minahs around. and two of the times i got a migrain. what the hell?

i'll chant the words to be reborn. "i give my devotion to the God of Metal. i give my devotion to my only one. i give my devotion to Obscure Phionix. i give my devotion to my family."

oh, people, tell me. especially those who know me so well. how many times have i given but get nothing in return? countless...and i've made most of them my enemies and the grudge still holds. to those who know i love them and care for them. don't worry, i won't turn my back on you.

the best thing have came into my life. and i'm going to keep that best thing. and that's her. Freakinly Mine.

NO MORE SHIT ON THE TAGBOARD PLEASE. I FUCKING MEAN IT.

end of the fasting month. i can curse again. now i got to fucking go, i'm fucking busy.

insanely yours,
Qhai

in this fire i'll survive.

Will you still hold me,
When you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victims blood?
So crimson and red,
I feel it flowing from your lips,
Crimson and red,
My heart is dead...

Everytime I'm left alone,
My misery begins to drown me,
Tied by a rope of anxiety,
Thrown overboard,
As I'm pulled under the tides of this fast paced world,
I refuse to see,
Time will always be the thing that kills me truly,
Open these eyes waking from a dream feigning,
My lungs filled up with letdown,
Disappointment in self and everyone,
Expectation died in failure,
Abandonment my unsaviour,
Absolution at the sight of your demise,
I know what I must do,
Choke,
Die choking on your every word,
Swallow every blasphemy,
Eat out your heart and make it bleed,
Tie the noose around my neck,
Make this life end...

GORE.9:24 AM