I'm just a cigarette, so please smoke me. This twisted, wretched place shadowed by the utmost darks of Hell.
In dreams of black beyond the bounds of a withered witch's spell. Unholy inversion of hope twisting the faith of the meek into hate, driven insane by the dark one.
To bring forth the foul biddings, he speaks. The undead are among us, at dawn they shrink back to their silken beds.
They dance by night and drink the blood of a child's broken neck.His spires are growing taller still, their shadows spreading throughout the land,
freeing the evils that sleep within the weaker minds of man. Into the tower, never go. The horrors multiply. Gears can mince the strongest ones,
leaving heroes paralyzed. The rivers flow with poison, the sands swallow you whole, the ghouls that roam this darkened wood are thirsting for your throat.
Tonight will be our last, my hands are itching for razors, my angel, this knife shall carve thee wings. Consumed by sickness, I ache to see your blood.
The hour approaches when I shall lay a nest inside of you. Sliced open, I lay waste to my desires. Sweet entrails are scooped onto the tile.
And in my dreams, I hold your head beneath the waves. After you've died, I kiss the nape of your porcelain neck.
You enter me in death's perpetual embrace, skin tightens in the throes of lust. And in my dreams, I cut your mouth from ear to ear.
Dissecting your angelic body in the quiet of your room. How splendidly I carve into your tender heart, shuddering between the sheets.
Whisper your name as you awaken your throat gasps, your skin recoils. We shall be intertwined, entangled in our love.
Murder beckons as time stops with your voice, "I'll love you forever" - and forever it shall be. The knives begin singing, they're weeping for your flesh.
The pinnacle of obsession is clawing at the fibers of my mind. The rampant state of elation is heightened by the paleness of your cries.
With a promise of absolution, my thoughts are tangled in my creations. With a promise of unequaled pleasure, reason is twisting the knives are crooning
for this perfect end. For weeks I've watched you, perched above your sleeping form. As I caress your perfection, my angel, I'll tear your insides out.
My mind is flooding, the marrow of your bones. I cannot subside until I have suckled every inch of you. I feel the fibers stretch and tear.
Unbridled climax is achieved. I've waited so long for this moment, the euphoric act of suicide! Suicide! She starts her new diet of liquor and dick,
Just like Hollywood, but laced in sick. The sun goes down, and so does she. So clap your hands to the sound of every
first born dying now. Watch the rivers flow with blood, death will stand where life once stood. Close your eyes, pray for plagues.
Cleanse this Earth, bring our doomsday! Clap your hands to the sound of every first born dying now. Watch the rivers flow with blood,
death will stand where life once stood. If I had a gun I'd pump your ethics full of lead. If I believed in meat I'd eat a plateful of our dead.
There's merit in construction when it's done with your own hands. There's beauty in destruction, resurrection, another chance.
There's a you and I in union but just an I in my beliefs. There's a crashing plane with a banner that reads everyone's naive.
I'd rather kill a stupid flower and spread its seeds around. Until a garden with our bullet-laden morals will be found. Will be found.
Now I´m standing here alone at the end of the road, screaming into the emptiness. Why did we start this way together.? Although it was clear to me
I would end up all alone, completely broken and misused by love? I rape myself and I don´t know why, this whole thing makes no sense at all!
Have you ever understood me, have you ever felt the same, have you ever looked in my eyes? Rip them off, take them.
Burn to coals as they crush and leave nothing that resembles a soul of a man. See him numb, see him crushed.
I could not see past fury. Maintained the True Beast. My instincts rupture and the motive has no theme. Now look into these eyes, and see the end of time.
It takes hold this image of rapture, infecting you whole... Tie me to a knob, and close the hanger's door. A human taken advantage for the world's better
peace. He revives as a Beast, in dark fires of Hell. Now wait for the sounds of death, come ringing to your ears.
The blasts, melodic. The gore, beautiful. Your end is yet to come.
I'm still a cigarette, so just smoke me.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
OUTING; 3HOURS 40MINS.
Yesterday, went to Esplanade with Faizal. Been a long time since i met him. Reached City Hall by 1530. Went over to Peninsula's Davis Guitars to get my usual DR Strings. Then walked around Esplanade had a few drinks. Faizal and i were bored, so we went to VivoCity. His first time there. Walked around, had a few looks at computer stuffs. Apple's new desktop got my attention. 24-inch screen, 250 GB SATA drive. Wow. Nice piece of equipment. Then we went back to Esplanade, sit down. Waited and waited for Tsue, Zul and Fiz. Then saw Ixe and Aydil. Followed them, haha. Then i approached them. Ixe said he didn't recognise me. Same for Aydil. They didn't believe it was me. Aydil was like "Qhai eh?" WTH. I'm still the same person guys, don't worry. Chilled. Hafiz reached. Then Tsue and Zul. Then after some heated things, we went home. Faizal, Fiz and i cocked in the train. Laughing all the way. Oh yah. I didn't realise a cute girl was looking at me til i got off. WTMF. Could've gotten her number. Reached home at 2330+.
Anyway, jamming was fun. Haha. Our latest original is almost complete. Yay. Wooooohoo. =).
Guess what? I'm tired. So bye.
insanely yours, Qhai.
GORE.3:42 PM
Saturday, March 24, 2007
OUT; X-CORE DIE.
I'm back! And congratulations Ruz for being the first one to say "hi" to me since i came back to Singapore. Haha. I'm not shagged but my whole body's aching. WTMF. I'm free, free, free, free, free. Hah. I'm not dragged down by that feeling anymore. And i'm single. Yay. I'm not saying my time with Shif was not memorable. But, i have never felt like this for soooooo fucking long! Haha. I'm fucking carefree.
Need i point out that the scene is being filled with x-core kids. Oh, death to them. I mean what to they want? Fame? Most of the usual people are in because of the music not fame. They want a name for themselves? Go commit a crime. Your name will be forever put in the police records.
Woooo. Going out later. Maybe will meet Mom at Orchard. After i go to Peninsula that is. I can't stay at home. I won't. NO WAY. Oh yeah. Tomorrow's OPX's jamming session. 9am in the morning, mind you. I need new strings for my Beast. Rusty strings turns to bloody fingers. Bloody fingers turns to a Qhai who can't shoot his M16 wife. Infantry!
Well, i'll get back to blogging after my day. Good day. =). Oh yeah, I MISS MY BEASTIES!
insanely yours, Qhai.
GORE.12:59 PM
Sunday, March 18, 2007
MY FEARS; ARE PHOBIAS.
Ok. So, no more getting to know psychos. It's fucking weird. Thanks Ruz and Obscure Phionix for helping me through. Oh THANK YOU ALL. =).
So this song is stuck in my brain. Check it out. As Blood Runs Black - My Fears Have Become Phobias. Superb song.
A mass suppression depressed by life unsure what he's to live for. But then away came the better days when life opened its new doors. Struggling for a way every day to live life not to fail but succeed. Over coming on overwhelming load of power and greed. Break the chains! That grab ones soul! Break These Chains! That Take Control! Break These Chains! Wasting all that's left of a day, watching time just fly away on his own. Dreams are surpassing him by, why not live life to its fullest and give it a try! How much will does one simply have to conquer what he's become? And how many others can say my fears have become phobias! How much should one take for granted? He's changed by life in order to see that he can succeed! And how can you? We'll Break The Chains! We'll Break The Chains! A mass suppression depressed by life unsure what he's to live for. But then away came the better days when life opened its new doors. Struggling for a way every day to live life not to fail but succeed! Overcome! I will believe! I will believe! I will believe! I will succeed!
insanely yours, Qhai.
GORE.2:03 PM
Friday, March 16, 2007
I LOVE MY METAL; METAL MAKES ME MENTAL.
In the words of Excrementory Grindfucker's I Like My Grindcore: I LOVE MY METAL. Haha. Tomorrow jamming. Lee Kwong Seng at 3.30pm. Finally! Back at Yishun. Can't wait to see Obscure Phionix and, if chance lets it, the other people of the metal scene. You see, metal has made me into a different person, i must admit. And the scene has granted me with the friends that i have. Cool-ness. I thank OPX for the benefits and rewards. Chapter Four has just begun guys. Stand proud and strong. Over time, it'll all pay off. Insyallah.
I have gotten my wake-up call. She's doing fine without me. I can't make it more obvious that she'll find someone she'll truely love. The Golden Age for us has passed. And i'll let go of it but will forever treasure it. My Darkened Age has begun. And i'm SURVIVING it. *evil grin*
I love me. I love me. I love me. How much insane can i get? Much more. You'll see. Demented am i.
Oh, how i miss my beloved beasties. Commonly known as Niq, Ruzzy, Adeq Ika, Fira, Khair and more. Particularly to the members of Shadows Embrace, Sounds Of Saviour and Death By Clowns. Hope i'll get to see some of them tomorrow. And speaking of beasties, Ruz just got online. Hah.
On my list of to do things: Get rid of the PSYCHO-FREAK!
insanely demented yours, Qhai.
GORE.9:56 PM
SHOOT ME DOWN; DEAD THOUGHTS.
Oh, please someone take a god damned gun and kill me. I just had my knee strained during training. One thing good is, i can do one jumping chin-up. I emphasise on the word "jumping". I'm not the same person anymore. My thoughts, feelings, heart and lifestyle are changing. And with that, i'm afraid that the me now will fade away. No, i'll never abandon myself. This Hardcore Badass will NEVER go away. So, will people still accept me as i am? Or will they still stray away? Who knows. Does it look like i care? One word: NO. Okay, now Underoath's Moving For The Sake Of Motion is ringing in my head.
Expanding my social circle seems like a very hard thing to do. With NS and shit. I'd rather stay alone throughout my NS life and come out being a total loner. Still, i have my commitments to my beloved Obscure Phionix. Oh ya. RAVENOUS, RAVENOUS, RAVENOUS! Haha. Now Arch Enemy's Ravenous is ringing in my head. WTMF!
Oh please someone save me from a psycho. Anyone up for a challenge? In two, it dies. DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!
The line is being drawn through my heart And we're conceiving fires through our thoughts And you're just like me And You're just like me This is everything I wanted to tell you I'm still in love with everything about you And I feel the wreckage from everything you do And I'm tired of still waiting... If I told you the truth now Would you still leave and take my heart? And I still feel ugly. You're ugly just like me When I show you the truth now would you still leave? Will you ever change? But I still feel empty Will I always lose this game? This is everything I've wanted to show you I'm no longer scared of anything about you I lived through the damage of the heart you took from me And I'm tired of still wanting If I told you the truth now Would you still leave and take my heart? And I still feel ugly. You're ugly just like me When I show you the truth now would you still leave? Will you ever change? But I still feel empty Will I always lose this game?
insanely yours, Qhai.
GORE.9:46 AM
Saturday, March 10, 2007
BRUISES; MOSHED.
Yesterday night was outrageous. SAF Music & Drama Company came down for Recruits Night. Girls, girls, girls. The guys were going crazy just watching them. Haha. Music and dancing then a band came up. Feets up. They played Muse's Plug In Baby. WE MOSHED. It was crazy. Before that was games day. And of course, Eagle Coy didn't get first. But, what the hell, who cares? Our drill team received third place. Our neighbours, Falcon Coy, came in first in Drill Comp. All-in-all it was a great day. I'd like to say a farewell to 3SGT Kevin on his leave back to Guards Div.
What more can i say? I'm tired.
insanely yours, Qhai.
GORE.2:30 PM
Friday, March 02, 2007
FORGOTTEN; ANOTHER ME.
Double entry per day. Wow. I must be really restless or something. Talking to Aini now. I guess i only have Obscure Phionix and the few i really trust. So thanks to National Service. 2 years of ruin and then what? I'm only left with the little i have. I've lost so many things. So many people over the years. I'm turning different. I guess.
"Oh, my god. I hate the me that i've become, this needy useless forgetting one".
Everything's except for Obscure Phionix is going haywire. No wonder i love them so much. They're keeping me in reality. I used to think that i was surrounded by people. Now i see that everyone's been wearing a mask. Oh, don't worry. I'm used to the feeling. History repeats itself. Demoralised? No, i am not. Everyone's gone.
"In the blink of an eye, like the shot of a gun, i've become the loneliest boy ever".
I'm crushed. Not by one person. By a whole lot of people.
"I never thought we'd make it out alive. It's all in your goodbyes".
So goodbye everyone. Miss me not.
"Everyone's just getting off".
insanely yours no longer, Qhai.
GORE.10:46 PM
STRESSED; DROPPING THE SOCIAL STATUS.
I'm stressed. There are lots of things in my mind. I can't think properly. And my mind's been messed up since the beginning of this week. Argh. I'm taking this opportunity to apologise to the usual people i msg frequently, this week's training was tough. Especially the Drill Team Training. It's too draining and taking too much of my admin time. I only have at most 3 hours to rest and recuperate from all the training. And i sleep at least 30mins before lights out. So, forgive me. My feet are killing me.
I need to expand my social circle. Seriously. Shif's not messaging me anymore. So i take it she's moved on. I'm just another dead body to her. So there.
Next jamming on sunday at 9am. Bloody fuck. But who cares. A musician will sacrifice his time for his art. Thus, i shall sacrifice myself for Obscure Phionix. Live on.
VOICES IN MY HEAD, KEEP TALKING. YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT.
And now, REST shall i.
Oh, my God. I hate the me that i've become, this needy useless forgetting one.
insanely yours and forgotten, Qhai.
GORE.4:20 PM
.INTRODUCTION.
QHAI
1987.06.15.
The Air, The Twins, Gemini. (UN)Taken Cynic.
GUITARIST of Obscure Phionix. VOCALIST of Death By Clowns.
I am insane; Come near me and you will get my disease. I am an insane guitarist, a psychotic vocalist and yes, I headbang. I've received much company and love from Obscure Phionix, Death By Clowns, scenemates/fans and trusted friends. Thus I am content with my life. With no further questions, I have laid down my feet to my one path. Even how complicated things will get, I will get there. I am my own King. And I will decide where I go. Hate me if you will, there is an [x] where you can close this down. Gore back at me.