THE ROSE; MEMORIES.

Ok, went to Dover just now to jam. Waiting for Khair to arrive is like growing my long hair back. Only three of Death By Clowns. Songs forgotten, some remembered. The last song we played was Rose Of Sharyn. You could imagine how much memories were in my mind when i sang the whole song. Yeah, it was the first time i sang the WHOLE song by myself since the last DBC jamming.

Numb, we're broken here I stand alone. Wondering what were the last words I said to you.

And this time, i'm not hoping or praying to turn back time. I've had enough of relationships. So if you think i'm going to get a girlfriend, i am not. I'm happy with just my beasties and the VIPs.

I don't think i have anything else to talk about. Maybe going to VivoCity tomorrow. Either with friends or with family. So there.

Goodnight insanes - you know who you are.

isnanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.9:07 PM

MY RAGE; NEVER LESS.

What i just heard from someone yesterday made me go bezerk. Mind you, i don't use the word bezerk often to describe my anger. So. Lies, lies and more lies. That's what the most people in my life are giving me. From past to present. From naive to matured. From relationships to singlehood. Nevertheless, i stood strong and upright. Unswayed by each effort made to bring me down. Ever so shall i be the one who you would trample on. But the action is useless. And by then, after you've had your fun, i'll be the one destroying you. And the way down is cold and hard. You've seen me as good, insane and my stage alter ego. But rarely have you seen my bezerked side. Go on this shit to see it. I AM NOW A SINGLE MAN AND WILL BE SO UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I AM NOT WITH ANYONE AND WILL NEVER BE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. The further notice will most possibly be after the 2 years i spend in hell. So you who's reading this and think you are my "girlfriend". Get a life and get out of mine. Psychotic.

Had jamming just now. I was way off course. I need practise. Good thing it's block leave week. Then on 13th June, Wednesday - Passing Out Parade. So i'll be saying goodbye Tekong, goodbye end to end travel, goodbye past memories and goodbye BMTC colleagues.

To you the one who's been lying about me behind my back - FUCK YOU.

When you kiss him, do you still taste or are you thinking of, are you thinking of me? With your lips pressed, tie me up against the stars. Does your body still scream my name? Does your body still scream my name?

Sadistic? Yes, i am. Insanity screams my name.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.8:20 PM

DOWNTOWN; CONFINEMENT.

Next two weeks will be a tough one. Confinement due to outfield training. So yeah. Need to get extra mentally ready.

Just came back from Downtown East. Had barbeque last evening with my mom's YISSians. Saw the people. Talked to Iqah, shared problems and stuff. I wonder why the other kids don't mix with both of us. Lol. Don't care. Maybe they'll warm up to us sooner or later. With that i end the barbeque session.

Jamming was awesome. We completed our original but i think Man wants a change to the chorus parts. So it'll still under "construction". It went fine yesterday and it was cool. Also had some people over then. I can't say who or why. This is for the people who where there to know, and the others to find out. But eventually we will inform everyone about it. Hah.

I'm bored. So i'll stop for now, going to game for a while. Before i enter camp for a long long week.

Goodbye insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.11:03 AM

BACK HOME; 2030HR BOOK IN.

I just came back from Beach Road. It was the hell raining heavily. I was drenched. DRENCHED!

So i met Ruz. At Jurong East Interchange. Passed her the Obscure Phionix tee she wanted. Hah. Her friend was kinda...afraid of me? Lol. It's ok, i've seen alot of people with that look when they see me.

Oh, i found this song back. Hah. Thanks to Sakinah. 3 years back.



Millionaires say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the pray
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back
It's just a fad
Part of the teen, teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

I've nothing else to blog about. Read my last post if you haven't. Lol. See you insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.3:05 PM

THE TRUTH; OBSESSION.

Day off. HAHAH. The drill squad got day off for being in third place. Cool eh. Now i'm at home blogging like there's no tomorrow. But i have to book in tonight. WTMF. I'm going to Beach Road later. Need to buy alot of fucking stuff for field camp. This saturday will be my last book out until 29th April. Outfield here we come. It's going to be a long and tiring six days. So wish me luck and grant me happiness. LOL.

I have an obsession. Yes, i do. With my music. Ouch. I think the music i make is shaping up my future. I know alot of people go to the extent of thinking that audios won't make up a good future. I think it will. With Singapore's changing, i know it's possible. Obscure Phionix have been making alot of plans. From organising to rooting up a studio. And we scheduled a recording session next month. Weeee. We're really taking this seriously. We uprooted this band, we cared for it, we endeavoured, we sacrificed and we will move on. With so much we've done, who's to abandon Obscure Phionix. I know that I - WILL NOT. People might think we are cool. Nope we're not. We're just people who just love music. A plus is that we can play instruments. In fact do you know a person who's html savvy, watches Japanese anime, listens to Visual Kei/J-Rock/J-Pop, reads Japanese manga, likes to sketch, gazes at stars, loves to take pictures/videos and does alot of graphic editing? That's me. GEEKY NERDY ME. I'm not cool. People just think i am. Until they find out the real me. It's true. I'm content i have a beastie like Ruz who don't see me as most people do. Thanks Ruz.

My past has not left me but it's at the back-end of my mind. Still, a small sharp pain is being felt in my guts. Fact: my migraine has gone up since that fateful day. True, my headaches are being felt more than six times in a week. But i'm more energetic. Good or bad? You decide.

My FAMILY - i love you.
My DEAREST OPX - i love you.
My BEASTIES - i love you.
My PAST - i STILL love you.
My FUTURE - i WILL love you.

So this is how bleak it is when i'm at home. I NEED TO GO OUT. HAHAH. Insanes, i'll take my leave.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.9:15 AM

BLOG; EARLY IN THE MORNING.

Re-cap. Saturday's jamming was super fun. Qader's brother came along and Zat of Shattered Skies too. I love the way we played The Black Dahlia Murder's Closed Casket Requiem that day. It was total awesomeness. What else would you expect from a metalhead like me? Oh yeah. Our original is 99/100 completed. Lol. Our time ran out just before we could finish the whole song. WTMF. Instrumentally challenging and mind-boggling. Wahah.

I'm booking in today. 0745 at SDC. Singapore Discovery Centre. WTMF. What do you think we are? Secondary school students? Heritage tour my ass. Counting down to POP: 8 weeks. The people i want to invite: My family, Man, Meow, Shah, Qader, Rynna, Ruz and Niq. Hah.

Well, i better go now. Oh, trip to VivoCity not achieved. NEXT WEEK BBQ AT DOWNTOWN EAST. Woots.

Take care insanes.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.6:24 AM

LATE NIGHT; FILLED UP.

Okay, so my siblings and myself went out at 11.30pm. Waited for Mama and Uncle Jazz. Then went off to Royal Plaza Hotel. =). We reached there at around 12.20am? Why were we there? LATE NIGHT SUPPER. Haha. We stayed there until around 2+am. I had my fill. I was full to the brim. For so long i've never been FULL TO THE BRIM. Erk.

Okay, i'm still wondering how and when Ruzzy is going to get her OPX tee. Lols. I think i have to find the loophole there. Hehs. Oh ya, i'm missing VivoCity. Don't know why. Maybe later will go there with the band.

Fiz will be following us later. Coolness. Said he's just booked out. The driver has a tight schedule. Lol. So i'll update again later. Cause i'm feeling for some gaming.

So insanes. Later.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.12:38 PM

SKIN; FIRST EDITION TEES.

Finally! Obscure Phionix has our own t-shirts. But we're still finding the right place to print tees. This one's okay but not that outstanding. So. Here's the pic.


link: CLICK HERE

So jamming today super fun. I was high on the music. I love Obscure Phionix. LOVE THEM. Haha. After jamming we walked from Bugis to Funan to have our late lunch at KFC. Then after that we went over to City Hall Court and had a hell of time camwhoring. It was crazy.

I can't blog much. Cause Mama's going to treat us supper at Holiday Inn. I think. Until tomorrow, insanes!

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.10:49 PM

GUARD DUTY; SESSION.

Okay, so last week i booked out on saturday at 1030hrs. And booked in back at 2215hrs on the SAME day. WTMF. The reason is simple. 24hr guard duty. Did sentry duty. So fuck with my NS life. Get on with my real life.

On that same saturday, i went to meet Mama and Uncle Jazz at Royal Plaza Hotel. They had their class reunion there. And i heard that it was a success. Met up with Niq after a very long time. She too said she did not recognise me at first sight. Haha. Mom planned for us to eat at the buffet place at the lobby floor. But, it was packed. So Mama gave us cash and we ate at KFC over at Far East Plaza instead. It's been a long time since i ate KFC damned it. YUMMEH. After that we went into Far East Plaza cause Niq wanted to search for this punk attire shop. I also forgot where it was. It's been awhile since i stepped into Far East. After that i rushed back to the hotel whereas Niq went to meet her mom at Burger King. Then i went off to book in.

Jamming will be held tomorrow AND saturday. Woooo! Back to back jamming. I've no complaints cause i'll be booking in on monday at the Singapore Discovery Centre. Hahaha. Now the eastenders will know how the westsiders feel every book in!

I want to jam. BADLY. This song is suddenly running in my head. Introduced by Khair two years ago. LOL.



So you stole my heart
And left me a ransom letter
Demanding I treat you better
Should I ever want it back
And now I'm all alone
Dreams are all forgotten
Memories all turn rotten
It's not the same on the phone
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
I can't let you walk away
We planned to live forever
In each other's arms
So...
Please hold on
You know - no one can love you like I do
And that's the thing - you know it too
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
I hear our song - it keeps playing on the radio
I'm all alone - and i just want you to hold
I hear our song - it keeps playing on the radio
Please make your mind up - just see what the future holds
So what's up, girl?
Things haven't changed a bit since we last met
I bet my bottom-dollar you're the best girl
That I ever had, I never want to lose you
So what's up?
What's up?
What's up?

If you think this song is about you (whoever is reading this now). It's not cause this other song is in my head too. HAHA.



I began my ascent at minus zero
You made so sure of that
You tried to keep me down here
Your complacency has been your downfall
Nobody made you king of the world
And now I'm here to dethrone
So kiss the ring motherfucker
It's my time, my time to shine
Grasping for the straws as they fall
Maybe you can make a splint for your broken ego
For your broken ego
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
Hate can be a positive emotion
When it forces you to better yourself
You built me, constructed my desire
Perfected my hatred
Now I'm driven to be ten times better than you think you are
Ten times better than you think you are
Piece by piece I've built my walls
And burned my bridges down
That lead back to people like you
So full of malice, so full of scorn
You tried your best to crush my spirit
You tried to steal my soul
You pushed my back against the wall
And I broke it down
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
I will not be broken
Though I am the one that bleeds
I will not be broken
I am the one
And I say thank you for the scars
With the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fucking fate
Did you take me for, a fool
Or were you just too blind to see
That every effort made has failed
And there is no destroying me
There is no destroying me
No there is no destroying me

So insanes. Goodbye.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

GORE.11:09 PM