THESE EYES; ARE BLIND.

These eyes are blind to several hundred left behind
(Lest we forget again)
But the border is breached but not broken
Who tries to find the several hundred left behind,
When the border is breached but not broken?


Life, washes me away in the tides. I'm tired of work. I'm tired in my slavery in this fucking Army. Fuck that. Tired, i'm tired of being sick. Everytime i go out for covers i get sick. And i'm sick now. Thanks. Love, love is a blind fuckshit that takes away the most genuine emotion - passion. I'm telling the truth. And YOU all know it. I've gone to the worst parts of life and back. Being laid down like cold carcass into a coffin covered in dried crimson blood.

We have nothing but our life to live. Death is certain. Only when we go is a mystery. Sometimes i just want to sit down at the wavebreaker at the beach and enjoy the wind. Sitting for hours. Without anything else or anyone else, but an acoustic guitar in my hands. Playing the same songs over and over again.

Someone "kinda" thinks she wants me back. She's confused. I think. You can call me whenever you want by the way. We're still friends. But you, you're in love with everyone.

I still owe Hassy a sunflower. I promised to meet Nad for buka. And Ninie asked me to go bowling with her. Yeah. Ok. Let's go.

"When this world's insincere.
I try to survive by being safe by my own judgement.
Wounded hearts.
No one understands."

insanely yours,
Qhai Psycho.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

GORE.11:46 AM

CANCEL OUT; HEART THAT BROKE ME.

Today's not bad. Completed my solo for "Bee on the Beast". And we're going recording tomorrow. Wooo...! Long-lost mate, Adriana, contacted me. Long time since i met her. Jyeah(?). And met Ninie for a movie.

I've been broken by the heart that i thought loved me back. Well, NOT. Thanks to you, i stand alone. But strong and determined to walk the path i set my eyes on. So fuck it, i'm going to the top and not bringing you along for the ride. Friends we are but just mutual. So don't cry over what i write in here. Cry over the fact that i may be the most genuine love you could have, and you lost that.

SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE 2008 IS COMING. And, yes, we're up for a bruising. We'll go home with our bodies in blues and blacks under bandages of blood. All out terror.

You can fuck off now.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
IMMORTALIS ZOMBEAST DEATHDIVINE.
Obscure Phionix.
Death By Clowns.

GORE.12:15 AM

EVERYNIGHT; WILL BE THE NIGHT I FALL FOR YOU.



The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find


Ean. That's for you. Thanks for having me in your life, your heart, and your mind always. Tonight and every night are the nights that i'll look at your photograph and fall for you over and over again. I'm waiting for the day you come back to this sunny island. The island i will always be in and call home. This is the place i'll be waiting for you. Love you always, you'll always be my baby. 'Cause a girl like you is impossible to find.

insanely yours forever,
Qhai.

GORE.6:29 PM

WEARY HEART; INSINCERE.

THE WORLD'S INSINCERE

Fantasy of a new face comes in my life,
And I would think that she’s the one,
When my heart in pieces,
She’ll make it all right.

My thoughts are fuckin’ with my head again,
The worst would have just happened,
For all the trust that I have put in,
Drowned away.

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.

So I stand alone in darkness,
Should I hang myself by a branch?
Or maybe I should stab my heart,
On my own?

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.

Just leave when I mean nothing to you,
‘Cause we are divided towards different roads,
And when the other have got your love,
Let’s make it work, part our ways.

With a drop of tear you fade away,
I was blinded by the masquerade,
A weary heart and an empty soul,
The World’s insincere.
With no fuckin’ sense being critical,
Being scared you’ll fall away from me,
Running towards your own fuckin’ destiny,
This weary heart’s become insincere.

Wipe you eyes from your cries,
With my heart in your cold hands,
You’ll kill me by your knife,
Run away and leave me here,
To die alone,
Your heart is insincere,
Just leave me here,
Fucked.

END.

Another song by me. Yeah. Let's go get it on.

I'm going into more alternative music. Example: Maroon 5, Rivermaya, Oasis, Staind... Something a little slower. For the medics. But my soul belongs to metal. Right on, dirt on the ground, head bashing, fuckin' awesome metal.

Bless the heart that's breaking me.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
IMMORTALIS ZOMBEAST DEATHDIVINE returns.

GORE.10:30 PM

THE ORGANISING CREW; A NIGHT OUT.

Just came back home from a day out. Was supposed to go to Art Friend but didn't. So maybe next time.

I proceeded to Man's place beforehand so that Obscure Phionix would be able to go together. A plus is that Man's driving. Yeah. So we headed straight to City Hall from his place. As soon as we reached the Parliament House, it started to get cloudy. Elegy For Eulisza came just before the showers and as soon as the rain fell, we were running intro The Adelphi. So, we changed our meeting spot to Funan's McDonald's. And Elegy For Eulisza had to go before the rest could be there.

First to arrive was Every Rage I Seek, followed by Shadows Embrace. After which Vulgate Dogmas and Helmskey. Absent were Death Defyerz and Demise. Plus, of course, non-organising committee - Draconis Infernum, Mephisto and Nafrat. It was a good meeting and we had fun night. From City Hall to Tanjong Pagar Railway Station to International Plaza to Marina South Pier to Outram Park to Chong Pang and to Boon Lay. Yeah. Car.

And what am i talking about pray tell?

THIS:






WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE MASSACRE (II/2008): CLAUSTROPHOBIC INSTITUTION.

Click for a bigger preview eh. Beware of brain damage.

Tell you what. I MISS EAN. Yes i do. I want to talk to her. I want to meet her. But it's hard. Oh well, i'll see her soon. I'll swear on that. It won't be long, we'll meet again.

BABY, CALL ME PLEASE.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

GORE.11:58 PM

WORDS; TURN TO NON-BELIEF.

It's something to be backstabbed so many times that you don't give a shit anymore. Now i realise that maybe the words "trust" and "love" are words that i cannot believe in. So many things have hit me right in the chest. And Obscure Phionix maybe my only salvation. Is being to nice to people making them think that i can be used? FUCK YOU. I'm being nice so that you won't the that black side of me.

It's so fucking irritating. News, words, gossips, statements fly everywhere like there's no tomorrow. NOW YOU TELL ME, WHO I SHOULD BELIEVE? It's confusing. Come on now, don't stop. Let's make it worse 'til i don't give a fucking shit about anyone anymore. EVEN YOU.

Sorry you had to read that. I have issues. Thanks to most of my ex-girlfriends.

Reality is as reality does. And it comes with a fucking bow with infinite arrows that shoot you at the back.

Maybe if i beg i'd get Angela Gossow to make me her boytoy.

Will be going out with Man, Meow and, maybe, Risky Riskin later. I'm going to buy two masks at Art Friend and some Acrylic Paint to for third obsession. Masks. I would want to make a good one for this year's big gig.


I've having a hard time getting this song out of my head.
Songs of depression in my head.
Thanks to Razif wanting to play this song for the Acoustics.
And to Ean.

MAROON 5 - HARDER TO BREATHE.


How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe



insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

THESE ARE THE SENTIMENTS OF A COLD-BLOODED CYNIC,
SO BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE.
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
I WOULD RATHER SEE YOUR FACE IN HELL,
THAN SPEAK ANOTHER WORD OF THIS PERFECT WORLD.
OH, TO BE BURIED BENEATH THE WAVES,
A SAILOR GRAVE IS WHAT I CRAVE.
5000 FATHOMS DEEP,
AND LEAVE MY BONES,
TO THE DEPTHS.
THERE'S BLOOD IN THE WATER...

GORE.1:20 PM

TWO HUNDRED FIFTY FIRST; POSTED.

251 posts. Yeah. Yay. Whatever.

I ran through some old friends in my friendster list. And i suddenly start to realise how much i fucking miss my ITE days. Days of our Mass LAN Gaming, days of cluster-fucking in the Live Band room, days of SLEEPING in the Live Band room and nights where Obscure Phionix used to jam whilst the floorball team is having practices and/or matches. Actually, i bumped into Miss Tif's friendster profile. Our IT2P (2005-2006, i guess, LOL) Class Advisor, Miss Tiffany Ho. Yeah. Saw her profile and actually scanned through her pictures. One of our ex-schoolmates got married and, the best part is, she still keeps OUR class photo. Cool shit.

Names i DO remember - Khair a.k.a. BRUTUS, Man, Fiz, Yazid, Zarie, Faizal, Faris, JJ, Serene, Maryama, Mard, Aishah, Djas, Ajid, Fir, Basli, Vishnu, Dzul, Omar, Nadya...and now my memory's fading. Fuck. NS just erases everything. Haha.

I'm itching for a moshing/hardcore dancing. Long time since i went to a gig. Last was June. I think. Just waiting for the moment of a great gig uprising. Hahaha.

I think i'm sick. My body temperature is like...feverish mode right now. Fucking hell.

Let me rest before the storm. Let's go.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.
Obscure Phionix.
Death By Clowns.
Insane Asshole.
Half-Fucked Medic.

GORE.10:29 PM

I LOVE THIS; LYRICIST.

FORSAKEN FAITH

How could it end this way?
A web of lies collapses with your warm embrace
The shadows of my past engulf my every being
And as i'm given new life
(with infinite possibilities)

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith

I have sealed my fate
I feel the thirst of blood burning in my veins
I fear nothing but the light
Will you set me free?
(will you cry for me?)

I stretch out to the crimson life
Awaiting me
In my vivid memory
Your face of beauty
As i rise
Fear begins to strike me
And i hunger
For a beating heart
My heart turned black

Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you?
Will you?

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith
I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith


I love this. (:
Wrote it myself.

I'm like lost. I don't know what to type. Yaaaaaaaaaaa!

OPX has recording next week to finish up. One song to put up in MySpace, PureVolume, and Audio Reload? We'll see.

I WANT TO FINISH MY NATIONAL SLAVERY. December 5th babe! Woohoo! But before that i will be going to Taiwan from October 6th to November 17th. Yeah.

I want to play at gigs. GIGS, GIGS, GIGS! That's what i want. I want to perform. Let's do it. Obscure Phionix, Death By Clowns and the medics band. Wahahahaha. Acoustic shit. I need my passion to be thumping through my heart.

This is for you. ;)



Yeah, i have no idea what to BLOG anymore.

Awesome song.



insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

GORE.6:31 PM

SQUUUUUEAAALLLL; RECORDED.

Went for recording last night. Fuck, i messed up my solo. Took longer than i thought it would. But it was great. Meow didn't get to record her vocals cause she forgot to bring along her lyrics. So, too bad. Didn't get a chance. The engineers were waiting eagerly to listen to her vocals. Wahahahaha.

Didn't get to hang out with the metalheads last night. Kinda miss them. Next week there's a meeting going to be held! Woohoo! Cool shits. Long time didn't really talk to my carnalitos. Gonna to that soon.

Well...i don't know what to blog about, really.
Oh. I miss my BABYGIRL.

Oye, i'll see you all again, mi familia.

insanely yours,
Qhai.
Immortalis Zombeast Deathdivine.

GORE.12:07 PM