*Still Counting

firstly...i would like to say that this is my third week with Freakinly Mine and i loved every minute of it. heh. yeah, i heard that i'm insane. so what? she's my blinding light that lead me out of the darkness. the radiance of her face never ceases to make me smile. in fact, i always smile when i'm with her. Freakinly Mine...i love you, i miss you and i sure want to see you soon. i just want you to be by my side.

now, Hari Raya is just around the corner. on thursday. so i'd like to say to all my muslim friends, have a great raya. whether it be with friends or family. expect messages from me on that day. hahahaha.

i still can't think of anyone else except for Freakinly Mine. i love her so much that she's made me crazy. insane even. you all might see me at IMH soon. haha. just today, i've talked to her on the phone for at least...7 hours. and our incremental repetition was spoken. heh. i love her so. i'll brave anything for her. i need her in my life. guys who are reading this who think i'm weak. yes, i'm weak without her...

i'll stop here. my mind is filled with her.

insanely yours,
Qhai

i'm counting every minute we're on the phone.

I died so many years ago,
You can make it feel like it isn't so...

GORE.5:56 PM

*Bittersweet Melody

ok, yesterday's gig didn't actually go our way. we performed three songs from our pre-decided six songs. well, what's passed has passed. it's good. but not that good. just fair.

yesterday was a good day after the gig. went out with Freakinly Mine to Esplanade. the memory of the time we spent there will be forever implanted in my mind. Freakinly Mine, i'll say this again, i love you. i miss you.

now need to get ready for december's gig. off to more practice, later.

need to end here, i'm on the phone with her.

insanely yours,
Qhai

i fall in love with you all over again.

Behold our beloved revels,
In tragedy,
Self-denying avarice for bloodshed,
Behold hypocrite,
Devoutly wished for blinded eyes,
This tragedy's like light to the flies,
This seems to suit you better,
Bleeding out the eyes,
Hope's left in chain suspension,
Holding onto lies to make truth...

GORE.10:51 AM

*Time Mistaken

haha. ok, about that Bukit Batok Gig. i've confused the time the bands are supposed to report and the time people should be coming in. haha. see, the bands are reporting at 9am. which means, after the sound checks and what not, the crowd should be coming in at around...10.30am? haha. sorry for all the confusion.

so, 10.30am to 1pm.

(also check - http://obscurephionix.blogspot.com)

had jamming yesterday. but Deng had to leave an hour early due to some errands he had to do. so the four left furiously tried playing the new song and completed it. it's not the same as Deng's not there. frankly, i'm kind of nervous for friday. fearing we may cock up. well, all the best for OPX.

also, i've seen improvements in all of us. that's the best news. we've improved as a band since day one. looking back, we were kind of pathetic during our first few months. now, we're becoming better and looking out for our future in the underground music industry.

going to meet Freakinly Mine this friday, it's been a week or so since i've seen her face to face. of course we have our daily long hours on the phone and our overload of messages, it's never enough than having her by my side and looking at that sweet face of hers. that memorable day will be in my mind forever. we're living at the ends of Singapore. no wonder we miss each other so much. hah. i love you, dear.

ok, one thing i noticed yesterday. alot of people look at me or the band weird. what? haven't seen people carrying guitars before? got a problem with people carrying guitars? huh? what's the big deal? since i went out of home there's been 3 people looking at me. all the way from my place to Yishun. hah. and believe it or not they're females. after that, when Aproman, Meow and i went to Far East, whenever we pass by a group of people they'll stop talking and look at us and then continue on talking after we passed them. and if that is a single person, that person will just look at us and walk by. ok, i may be making no sense but if you get the point, great. also met me and Meow's cuz Yaqin over there. surprised to see him though. haha. who wouldn't when he came up to me and said, "Eh, mat".

oh yeah, i bought new Circa skate shoes yesterday. hah.

i love you, Shif.

living each day like a dream.

I want you to know that,
I miss you, I miss you so,
I want you to know that,
I miss you, I miss you so...

*

You starve your children on neglect,
Then feed their bellies with fear,
Concussion bat to the brain,
Witness to a battered mother,
Your abuse will end right here,
No longer will your family fear,
A gunshot to the head of trepidation,
My promise if you lay a finger,
Just look at the scars you make,
Your terror makes your kids break,
A broken home just as you were raised,
With fist raised up to your children,
Open fire,
On the desire of the man,
Open fire,
With strife we'll strike down the hand,
Open fire, build the pyre,
If I can't make you see the damage you made,
Open fire, build the pyre,
I'll make you wish you'd never been alive...

GORE.8:45 AM

*Again

ok, here to confirm the mini gig.

the gig.

Bukit Batok ITE. 9am to 1pm. be there early. if you all can wake up.

everyone stand back. i'm back to becoming metal-minded again. heh. i think it's cause of the gig coming up and the energy i've got from yesterday's jam session at Aproman's place. anything can happen. haha.

PS: Freakinly Mine, i miss you.

incremental repetition.

Open fire,
On the desire of the man,
Open fire,
With strife we'll strike down the hand,
Open fire build the pyre,
If I can't make you see the damage you've done,
Open fire build the pyre,
I'll make you wish you've never been alive...

GORE.9:18 AM

*On The Stage Soon

and here i go again. i mean, here Obscure Phionix go again. we'll be having a performance over at Bukit Batok ITE this coming friday. what i heard from Aproman is the gig is open for all to see. hey, don't blame me, we just heard from the organisers today. so i guess my day will be filled with practicing on my guitar. i have yet to finalise my solo on our originals. i can't make up my mind. haha.

so, members of Obscure Phionix! jamming will be held at the usual place, 1pm. any further notices will be forwarded through sms.

this day a good day. second week with her. i keep falling in love with her again at the dawn of each day. you stole my heart. i don't want it back. i love you. heh. smiling again? who'd knew i'd be this romantic? hahahaha.

now, i don't have much to update. so back to practicing.

a few more words: Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

neverending.

Will you still hold me,
When you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victims' blood?

Your hazel green tint eyes watching,
Every move I make,
And that feeling of doubt,
It's erased,
I'll never feel alone again,
With you by my side,
You're the one,
And in you I confide...

Kau auraku,
Oh, pancarkan sepercik harapan,
Datanglah merasuk menjelma,
Meleburkan cinta,
Kubawa kau terbang,
Menembus awan yang beriring,
Kembangkan senyuman,
Bagai bunga bawa keindahan...

GORE.12:36 PM

*A Gun To The Head

yeah. the past week was filled with great things happening. hah. don't mind the title it's just something i came up with, cause i'm making a series of edited pictures for...fun. haha.

after i got that ME-50 on monday, i've been experimenting on it. but still, i haven't touched the memory part. i'll get to that soon. so i've been doing that since tuesday...

wednesday. she may call it her most nervous day cause we went out. Freakinly Mine and me went to Geylang, met up with Deng and Mas and strolled around until break fast. we ditched them after that and went to Esplanade. actually, we warmed up just nice. soonafter we were talking like we've known for so long. years maybe. Freakinly Mine, i love you so. and i miss you for every moment of my life. touching. heh.

thursday and today was nothing special, normal routine at home...bla bla bla...and there.

i'm still missing her. and i bet she's missing me. probably smiling as she's reading this. sayang, i say again. i love you.

missing you always, loving you forever.

More than words...

GORE.6:16 PM

*Another Night

here i am in the morning waiting to go to school just to hand in that logbook. well. nevermind.

i guess after that i'll be heading off to Swee Lee over at Bras Basah to get that Boss ME-50 Multi-effect Floorboard. hope that Amos' friend is there so i can get a good discount. and i bet i'll be going there alone cause i think i'd get some screaming from my friends if i said i'm going to get that thing.

i realised that my relationship with Freakinly Mine is so sincere. yeah, we're open-minded. i'm always thinking of her, i'm always missing her. i love her. i repeat, I LOVE YOU SHIF! spent at least five hours talking on the phone with her last night. a night without talking to her on the phone, i'd be suffocating. and that'll just double on how much i'll miss her. our incremental repetition of words that i will never get bored of. today marks the first week with her.

i'm getting back to my feet. in music of course. i just have to make one original for the band and, believe it or not, it came to me while i was in the shower. haha. so much for inspiration. the tunes of my past gothic tune original came back with a few rhythms and drumbeats in my head. then i said to myself, "that sounds good". i think the lyrics would be about Freakinly Mine. heh.

i'm nervous for wednesday. so anyone who sees me on the street on wednesday, please kindly do not disturb that much. a simple wave and hello is fine. hah. guess why.

so Obscure Phionix, Brothers and Sisters and my Circle of Friends, those of you who's actually free, please do contact me and plan some outing or something like that. i'd want so much to meet you guys again. Freakinly Mine, i'd go out with you anytime. heh.

AND MY COUSINS! CALL ME UP! heh. i want to at least break fast with you guys once.

right, i'll stop here. i'll update again after i get my ME-50.

insanely yours,
Qhai

our hearts grow closer, binded by chains.

Keindahan pelangi adalah,
Keindahan wajahmu sayang,
Yang sering bermain di mata hatiku ini,
Keharuman bunga kasihku,
Hanyalah untukmu sayang,
Bagaikan pantai dah lautan takkan terpisah,
Kasih sayangku ini,
Hanyalah untukmu,
Ku telah berjanji,
Kaulah yang satu,
Dalam hatiku ini,
Untuk selamanya,
Oh sayang,
Untukmu sayang...

GORE.9:21 AM

*I'm Not Alone

hahahaha! IAP is finally over! ahh! hahahah!

hey. ok, i'm getting excited. got a problem with that? huh? there's actually nothing to comment on this...this...IAP. except that my bosses (yes, i realised i have two bosses. a husband and wife team) are the best. ok, finally i said that.

going to have an outing this coming wednesday, time is not confirmed yet. erm...the organisers are kind of...not good at organising. haha! no offence!

the past week has not been lonely. been messaging and calling Freakinly Mine almost 90% of my time and been smiling 100% of my time. hah. Freakinly Mine, i miss you.

one thing Deng said. the words "freakinly yours" and "insanely yours" sounds gothic. huh. if gothic it is then gothic it gets. what do you expect from a heavy metal-slash-goth who's unique and weird?

last friday,
finally went jamming again. and it was raining heavily at that time. i got drenched. my guitar was safe. it was great to see the band again. i missed them! re-touching on our originals and covers. we were fasting so...we weren't as energetic as we used to be. gig at ITE Bukit Batok postponed. until further notice.

met up with a few lost souls yesterday. Nokz, Faizal, Dzul, Nizam, Faree, Shah and Faris. saw Nokz' new friend, Ros at Bugis Street. at the end, didn't go follow them though. had to go somewhere early next morning. sorry all.

the hours made the heart grow closer and fonder.

right, time to go buy that Boss ME-50.

tag my board!

insanely yours,
Qhai

missing you.

Six feet deep is the incision,
In my heart that barless prison,
Discolours all with tunnel vision,
Sunsetter,
Nymphetamine,
Sick and weak from my condition,
This lust this vampyric addiction,
To her alone in full submission,
None better,
Nymphetamine...

GORE.10:10 AM

*Struck

10th October. the birthdate of one of the X-Japan members. Toshi. he'll be celebrating his 40th today. heh. i'm a X-Japan freak, anyone got a problem with that?

so tomorrow, Mard's birthday. whoa. finally 18 ah? took long enough. hahaha.

15th will be my last day of attachment. finally going to be over. two months is too much. actually, i'll be missing some new friends over there...like the distributors. hah.

"through my tears breaks a blinding light". that blinding light is her. yes, i fell for her. i guess what Deng has said really came into place. i'm in love with her. heh. yes, i'm finally smiling for real again. thanks to her. really. you light up my life.

Twinnie, shut up. i know you're laughing at this! wavelength, sis! and in case you're not laughing, i apologise in advance. hahahah. ok, i'm revolving in my own mind.

yesterday met up with Nokz, Faizal, Shah, Nizam, Faris, Zarie, JJ and Serene. it's been a long time since we actually sat down, talk and joke like the crazy jokers we are. they're crazy, i'm insane. now crazy and insane have differences, ok. what's my point? none.

i need to step into Esplanade again soon. missing that vibrant place.

by the way, Obscure Phionix may get a gig in December. probably at the Substation. a gig for newcomer bands. well, i don't know if we actually got a place but i'll inform everyone about it if we do get it.

insanely yours,
Qhai

lovestruck.

Here I go,
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you,
You are my only one...

I found you here now please just stay for awhile,
I can move on with you around...

With flowers in her hair,
Gazed upon with dead lover's eyes,
She never looked so good,
And I never felt so right...

GORE.8:36 AM

*Insanely Yours

firstly, i'd like to say to my muslim friends. "selamat berpuasa". my wish list have been modified.

the list -

that same Ibanez with the pearl gothic cross inlays, equipped with V8 and V7 pickups.
a Boss ME-50 multi-effect board.
time to spend with my family.
time to spend with my second family, Obscure Phionix.
time to spend with my circle of friends.
to meet her.
to fast fully.
to confess.

it's time for us to be well prepared. Deng and Mas, i thank you for introducing me to Shif. thanks very much.

i want to be insanely yours.

Trials in life,
Questions of us existing here,
Don't want to dies alone without you here,
Please tell me what we have is real...

GORE.9:10 PM

*Almost Done

attachment is gonna finish soon! finally! damn i can't wait for the last day! open up your schedule friends, Qhai is coming back to society! hahahahhahaha.

right, with that out of the way.

some people are really out to get me. Deng...i know what you're doing!

i don't mind.

Sorrow,
Sank deep inside my blood,
All the ones around me,
I cared for and most of all I loved,
But I can't see myself that way,
Please don't forget me,
Or cry,
When I'm away...

GORE.9:49 PM