*The Aftermath

just came back home from an energy depleting evening of jamming. this will be the last until the end of the fasting month, in which Obscure Phionix will be back with more jams. i'm going to miss jamming with the band. seriously.

met so many people i knew today. and wouldn't you know it, i met Helmi at the studio. haha. i think Twinnie would remember him. damn he's changed. and he said i changed, alot! haha. it's been a long time, man. good to see you again.

tomorrow i'm going to spend the night away at Esplanade before fasting month. i have to. if not, i'll be missing it for the next month. also hoping i'll get to see some people on Sunday.

this one thing is what bothering me. Deng's friend asked whether there's anybody who he knows that are single. and, oh boy, the first one that came into his mind was me, damn it! what the hell. nevermind bro, i'll forgive you in time. haha. joking bro.

i'm getting so much energy from meeting friends and jamming that i don't want it to stop. the smiles, the energy, the laughs and the faces makes me so high. yeah.

eh, Twinnie. thanks for the four this morning. owe you big time. enjoy the cd, sis. haha.

on my want list -

that same Ibanez with the pearl gothic cross inlays, equipped with V8 and V7 pickups.
a Boss ME-50 multi-effect board.
time to spend with my family.
time to spend with my second family, Obscure Phionix.
time to spend with my circle of friends.
and most of all, to see that anonymous girl's face.

emotional? crazy? insane? well, that's how i am.

please.

Live,
Love,
Burn,
Die...

GORE.11:06 PM

*Graveyard Robbers

the graveyard robbers have taken my SLEEPTIME...god, i'm lacking sleep. shit. you'll be able to see black rings around my eyes. Twinnie! learn Lies, Heaven's A Lie and Stand My Ground! you've been warned. anyway i met Kak Fairuz this morning. she's still as sweet as ever. ok! now need to sleep!

i want to see you again, just once.

What have I done,
Clouds are dimming the Sun,
With his wrath of disease and decay...

GORE.10:35 PM

*Been Missing

in this week, i've missed so many things. let me give you a list -

Obscure Phionix
The Klaz78 Offspring
Going to Changi Chalet with the Klaz78s
Going to the Esplanade
Going to Peninsula

and since i started work, i've seen lots of beautiful faces. only thing is, i've haven't got their numbers.

good thing on friday there's jamming. or this whole week would be a fucking borefest. seriously. less than 20 days and i'll be gone from Sim Lim. god, finally.

friends, i've set up a shared blog with my bro, Faizal, by the name of Gothic Cross. the url - http://gothic-cross.blogspot.com.

Obscure Phionix, Klaz78 Offspring, Twinnie, my true Brothers, my true Sisters, my true friends. i love you all. you're my second heartbeat.

i miss you all.

Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn,
All alone,
Too many doses and I'm staring to get an attraction,
My confidence's leaving me on my own,
All alone,
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention...

GORE.9:21 AM

*The Fucking Rage

read these lyrics and you'll understand...

black out.

(lyrics have been adjusted to suit)
(various sources)

Alone we walk,
Among the twisted shadows,
Tempted by the ancient magic,
The power of Five,
Our desire to mirror our own image,
And we will offer you no soul,
Offer you no soul,
Tonight,
Darkness will shadow the light,
Symmetry Divine,
There's no force greater,
Dividing the Fathers of Time,
Feel our hate,
We're banished to this wasteland,
Our Serpent's plot,
The overthrow of your temples and shrines,
In the night,
Our Chapter's rage and fury,
Burning our shadow into the land,
Vengeance by my hand...

Jeslousy's an ugly word,
But you don't seem to care,
Converse behind our back,
But now we're here,
No need to comply with us through everyone that we defeat,
Don't need you fuck camaraderie,
This rage won't will never go away,
Hatred fuels our blood,
We'll burn you down,
One band to watch the losers fall,
We'll fight 'til the end,
We can't trust your kind,
See it in our eyes,
Now I can understand,
It's sorrow that feeds your lies...

And we're at it again,
We turn around another fucking war man,
We don't know where to begin,
But we'll start with your ridiculed kind,
Your steps the people are following,
As you thank the Lord the blind can't see,
Like a plague fed to the brain deadly disease,
But it wasn't a sin,
A sorry life in judging every action,
And as you're feeding your mind with this shit,
You forgot how to speak how to ask all the questions...

You will never be strong enough,
You will never be good enough,
You were never conceived in love,
You will not rise above...

*

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear,
Sealed with lies so many tears,
Lost from within,
Pursuing the end,
I fight for the chance to be lied to again,
They'll never see,
I'll never be,
I struggled on and on to feed this hunger,
Burning deep inside of me,
But through my tears breaks a blinding light,
Birthing a dawn to this endless night,
Arms outstreched awaiting me,
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree,
Rest in me and I'll comfort you,
I have lived and I died for you,
Abide in me and I vow to you,
I will never forsake you...

Can't you help me as I'm starting to burn,
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction,
My confidence leaving me on my own,
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention,
So sorry you're not here I've been sane too long my vision's so unclear,
Now take a trip with me but don't be surprised when things aren't what they seem...

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost,
It's empty and cold without you here,
Too many people to ache over,
I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time,
But I'm too young to worry,
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past,
I found you here now please just stay awhile,
I can move with you around,
I hand you my mortal life but will it be forever,
I'd do anything for a smile holding you 'til our time is done,
We both know the day will come but I don't want to leave you,
I see my vision burn,
I feel my memories fade with time,
But I'm too young to worry,
A melody, a memory or just a picture,
Silence you lost me,
No chance for one more day,
I stand here alone,
Falling away from you,
No chance to get back home...

GORE.11:10 PM

*Breaking Your Bones

regret. big regret. the story goes...took the train, saw a girl, smiled at her, she smiled back, dropped off at Bugis, she dropped of too...BUT...no number. what the hell is wrong with me?

Twinnie, don't say a word. i know! i know!

The Obscure Phionix Chapter awaits.

the rage.

You will never be strong enough,
You will never be good enough,
You were never conceived in love,
You will not rise above,
They'll never see,
I'll never be,
I've struggled on and on,
To feed this hunger,
Burning deep inside of me,
But through my tears breaks a blinding light,
Birthing a dawn to this endless night,
Arms outstreched awaiting me,
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree,
Rest in me and I'll comfort you,
I have lived and I died for you,
Abide in my and I vow to you,
I will never forsake you...

GORE.10:21 PM

*Another 28 Days And I'm Gone

work sucks. my staff sucks. my boss sucks. the pressure of work is building up. fucking shit. good thing Faizal got posted there.

this week.

went to Esplanade with Faizal on Thursday. talked for abit on our plans for the future. saw this girl. alone. sitting there looking at us or at least hearing what we were saying. wanted to ask. but i've got phobia. during our time there, we talked about music. nothing else. life is music. music is life.

friday. Obscure Phionix got moved to room 1 instead of our usual room 4. but nonetheless. we enjoyed ourselves. we were like performing or something. it was great. people looked on at us like we're a bunch of fucking insane freaks. hah.

saturday. went off to the Esplanade again. this time with Faizal, Nokz and Ariz. met Is there. it's been a long time since i met that good friend of mine. was hoping to see the rest too like Jen, Theresa and Iqah. but hell. i had a lot of fun.

sunday. argh. sunday sucks. Twinnie showing up was the best part.

notice : Obscure Phionix is making a Chapter. as in a group of good friends who are fans who will support Obscure Phionix in their gigs and shows. join up.

notice behind the notice : anyone who knows anyone who can play the organ, the bass and a female vocalist who can sing like Evanescence or Lacuna Coil or Within Temptation songstress. i maybe making a project band by the name of Immortelle. playing melodic gothic metal genre. some mixed metals too.

i need someone to be by my side.

Tonight,
Darkness will shadow the light,
Symmetry divine,
There's no force greater,
Dividing the Fathers of time.
Tonight,
Darkness will shadow the light,
Paradise denied,
The balance of ages,
Forever lost in time...

GORE.9:30 AM

*Change

ok. one thing i forgot to add for last week's post...i think i saw Debbie of Munchies at Nine at Peninsula. haha. but this is not about her. it's about me. change. i'm not saying i'm afraid of it. but have i changed so much until no one can recognise me anymore? why do i ask? i saw Nasuha and she didn't even smile or wave. also, the last time i saw Hairwis, he didn't even recognise me until i talked to him. from then i wonder. is the change in me turning me into a different person? then i say, "great". from the old me. i change to a new me. and i think Twinnie, Danny, NJ and OPX is seeing that new me.

i long to see your face.

Drowning in a sea of lies...

GORE.9:24 PM

*Swallow Every Breath

work this week gets smoother than before. it's great. but the pain in the feet at the end of each day kills me. what can i say? no work, no life.

this week was cool cause of the fact that on tuesday, my cousin Shafik met me at Bugis. haha. he took the wrong bus and ended up at Sim Lim instead. it was also the day i got to meet another musician and made friends with him. the name's Rafie, an organ player. also met Yaqin during lunch too. it was great man. made plans with Shafik for our future but i'm not yet sure what's gonna happen.

friday, was a big day of Obscure Phionix. completed one original. moving on to the next. anyway, we'll maybe will be booked for two gigs at the end of the year, no promises but heck.

met Twinnie and Ali tonight at Esplanade. it was ok. i mean being a person with no one hanging out with a couple. uhhh...can't say much...

after this day. i realised i've got a phobia towards the female species that i do not know.

i wanted so much to see you.

Cry alone,
I've gone away,
No more nights,
No more pain...

GORE.11:19 PM

*Esplanade Dreams

i miss jamming on saturday. but what to do? work. well, after work yesterday and today, went off to the Esplanade with Ariz. watched Morphy, debuting their first album if i'm not wrong. their songs is like a mix of Evanescence and soul. something like that. miss going out to the Esplanade with the band. by the way, met Jen on saturday. maybe i disappointed her when i said that i may not be going to the holiday to Malaysia with the Klaz78s. sorry Jen.

i've enjoyed work these few days. cool i guess.

anyway, when i was watching Morphy, i was thinking of Obscure Phionix being on that very stage debuting our very first album. well i hope. heads up, we may have a gig this November, this is not confirmed yet.

the two days were...hopeless.

Here I go,
Scream my lungs out,
Trying to get to you...

GORE.11:57 PM

*Back At The Slot

finally after two weeks of not seeing each other, OPX had their jamming today (especially me since i'm not at school and all). being apart seems so unbearable. haha. had a great laugh with them today. after all this time. Obscure Phionix, i love you guys.

before jamming at the usual place, i went to Peninsula to grab some new guitar strings. here's the big fucking deal. cost of strings (DR light gauge) - $7.50. cost of strings and service charge - $15. what the fuck? i'd rather fix the strings myself man!

damn i miss the free time i used to have before the attachment. i want to go to the Esplanade! i want to have fun. yet...i'm standing in the middle of a small shop on attachment.

i was hoping.

Dawn of the day,
Day of the dawn,
Twelve o'clock strikes midnight...

GORE.11:04 PM