*Gigging: Band Edge.

hah. went to Band Edge yesterday. met people i thought i wouldn't meet. ok, let's see.

went to Lee Kwong Seng first to meet Man, Sha and the members of Shadows Embrace. Shah was late (don't confuse the two - Shah as in the new drummer of Obscure Phionix). so, took the train towards City Hall. met the members of Jackalhyde at Khatib. and proceeded to Paya Lebar. when we got there, met Tsue and some of the usual people. hah. imagine a group of us coming together in black. we chilled outside of I.J. Studio awaiting Shadows Embrace's set. it was great. the mosh pit was brutal. i backed off since i was holding a camera taking shots at them. Ixezan was late. hah. but just in time to heat things up. after Shadows Embrace was Jackalhyde's set. Zul got the "mosh of death" since his birthday's today. happy birthday Zul. his watch broke. oops. saw some famililar faces like Debbie of Munchies At Nine, Jennywawa and Azrina from way back at Hong Kah Sec. woah. got back late. haha. it's was cool. next gig i'll go to - who knows?

oh yah, Man got a call from Keith when we were on the way there. asked if we wanted a slot for this screamo gig. 23rd April. but this is not confirmed. i repeat - THIS IS NOT CONFIRMED. i'm still waiting for a reply for the SESSIONS! gig though. i don't know if our application got through.

my prepaid value is almost gone. haha. so, i won't be able to message anyone that much anymore. i HAVE to save.

so, i'll update you guys more on my life soon. haha.

goodbye.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

mosh.

Can you feel her,
Burning through your veins,
She will always live forever,
Always live forever...

GORE.6:54 PM

*A Little More Personal.

if there's something i should be at rage at, is that some people just love to butt in other people's life. why should it concern you? and some people might go "oh, he/she is talking about me". what the fuck is that? it just shows that you're only thinking of your fucking self, fucking self-centered and probably fucking selfish. make a note to yourself. get a life.

know what? sometimes i just hate those try-to-be "mature grown ups". talking big and acting tough. they would say "oh, look at me i'm a big tough fuck". i just hate it. i usually don't like to start conflicts. but if someone already used my name in the conflict itself. i'd be the one who will usually fire it up to the next level. i've caused alot of damage that way. try me.

and i just don't care if people hate me. dislike me all you want. i don't mind. just don't go saying lies and making me pissed. it'll be hell later on. i know myself that i do have people i dislike. but i do not make it worse and piss them off. it's not me.

i'm happy with life. yeah, there are ups and downs. everyone goes through it. some worse, but i don't go saying that i'm getting it more worse than you. no, i'm not like that. i make time to understand people. and i'm mostly seen on the neutral side. i've gone through hardships. like any person had. i grateful for the good things that have happened. no doubt about it. every smile, every feeling of joy. i'd embrace them if i could. and that doubles if i see it in the faces of my friends and my loved ones.

i've fallen in and out of love. and for the first time. i really feel it. with her. yeah. i'm not afraid to say it. i love Shif. i'm so insanely in love with her. i just couldn't imagine how i could live without her. i got to admit that i really need her in my life. i love her to pieces. but out there, some people just find it hard to let go. i mean, if someone already got someone they love and is happy about it, i'd leave them alone.

i miss the times where friends are friends. no this clique and that clique. all for one, one for all. where did that go? everyone would be smiling together. having fun together. where has that time gone? lost? i don't know. but it's ok, i got my real friends around. and i love them.

Obscure Phionix. haha. they're my brothers. of course Sha is my cousin. we're trying our best to get a slot. and we desperately need to perform again. hah.

now, that all i can think of. until next post.

Freakinly Mine, i love you to pieces.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

my confession.

I'm drowning in my insanity,
Slowly giving way,
In my last attempt to breathe,
A damnation of faith...

GORE.7:38 PM

*Immaculation Of The Damned

i just written this song. so. here it is.

Immaculation Of The Damned

How could it end this way?
A web of lies collapses with your warm embrace
The shadows of my past engulf my every being
And as i'm given new life
(with infinite possibilities)

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith

I have sealed my fate
I feel the thirst of blood burning in my veins
I fear nothing but the light
Will you set me free?
(will you cry for me?)

I stretch out to the crimson life
Awaiting me
In my vivid memory
Your face of beauty
As i rise
Fear begins to strike me
And i hunger
For a beating heart
My heart turned black

Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you kiss me?
Will you?
Will you?

I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith
I'm drowning in my insanity
Slowly giving way
In my last attempt to breathe
A damnation of faith

there. done. that's it.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

damned.

Sunrise sunset will you wash away the rain,
Sunrise sunset will you wash away the pain...

GORE.8:49 PM

*Looking Up To The Sky

things are looking up. Obscure Phionix is doing great. we are currently concentrating on getting a slot. yesterday's jamming was more than expected. all of us were tired. something that did not happen after quite a long time.

after jamming yesterday evening, the five of us went to the Esplanade. to talk and whatever. after that met the members of Shadows Embrace at City Hall's Long John Silver's cause we taught that Mulysa were still there. i mean, it's been a long time since we met them. and after that, home. i was dead beat man. fuck, i'm like sleeping awake.

so. i'll update more soon.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

obscure.

I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life...

GORE.11:50 PM

*The Restoration.

hey. welcome to those frequent visitors and new ones. if there are any. it's been a long week.

friday -
Freakinly Mine and i celebrated our fourth month.

saturday -
i went to Dunman Sec's bazaar thing. hah. met new faces. woke up at nine to realise that i was late. hah. quickly got dressed and went to meet Fiz at Lakeside MRT Station. i met Sabrina on the train. talked abit and she went off to work. Fiz made a bet with me. if i met five of my outside friends he'll give me a beating. from Lakeside to Tampines. that's about fourty-five minute journey. when we arrived at Tampines, we took bus number 28 and proceeded to Dunman. outside the school, i saw Nasreen, my cousin. coincidentally he was performing there. so that's two down and three to go. met Shif and went in. met people who i do not know but the sure as hell knew me. let's see. Khairul, Adilla, blablabla. and Shif's teacher even asked her, "is that insanely yours?". i was surprised like shit. she used our trademark words. walked around the school. saw a band performing. the band was not up to form. they did not control the volume of their equipment. it was in a mess. then we walked around abit more. later in the afternoon, i watched Nasreen perform with his crew. he's good. it's been a while since i met him. after the bazaar thing, we meant to Plaza Singapura. hell, i saw hide's guitars at the Yamaha shop! the clear green, sunburst red and indian style. all of them costs from $1,800 to $2,500. i'd be happy when i get one of them guitars. after that, we proceeded to the Esplanade. chill, then went off.

sunday -
had jamming. it was fun. the first time after a long break that we actually headbanged. it was awesome. we auditioned Shah. and he was good. the first time we played Like Light To The Flies, we completed it. he even managed to get the first few beats of Second Heartbeat after listening to it once. amazing. the vote was in. Shah is our new drummer. gigs, here we come. the return of Obscure Phionix after a long break. by the way, i'm restoring Obscure Phionix's Website and PureVolume. the links: Website (http://obscurephionix.blogspot.com) and PureVolume (http://www.purevolume.com/obscurephionix). the website is still under construction though.

monday -
met Shif at Tampines at around 3:30pm. i didn't sleep that well the night before. hah. i was sketching and fell asleep with the sketch pad in my face and the light still on. woke up at six plus, smsed Shif a few times, off the light and went back to sleep. hah. woke up at seven plus.

now here i am at school. hah. until next post.

Obscure Phionix is making a comeback!

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

waiting for the moment.

Sunrise,
The last sunrise,
The last sunrise...

GORE.8:43 AM

*What Some People Say.

have you ever felt a sense of rage where some fucking ass keeps bothering your girl? yeah. some ass is making me so fucking enraged that i don't know whether i should kill him or i should just let it go. thinking of it just makes over furious. i'd really want to punch this guy's face. seriously. if this guy is in my face i'd already muster all the strength i have and give him one. no, as much as i can until his blood seeps through his skin. infuriating isn't it. the fuckshit doesn't give up. what's more, the way he treated her in the past makes me want to make him bleed some more. it seems that he sees people as sex objects. what the fuck is that? is your brain so fucking small that you only have that to think about? and what's with you and butts? if you want i'd like to put your head up your ass. see if you'd like that bitch. you are nothing. just a fucking perv of a doormat. how i'd like to stomp him like the fucking cockroach that he is. if this motherfucker won't stop, i have many more murder plans to carry out.

Freakinly Mine, i'm sorry you had to read all that. it's making me mad just thinking about it. remember i love you always.

insanely yours,
Qhai

murderous intent.

So you think you've won,
Come take a walk inside,
This enraged pissed off mind,
It's calling for you,
Feel my hatred,
It bleeds down on your faith,
Lusted for so long,
For the moment,
Lying broken in a corner,
Here it comes,
Feel your ending,
It's so grim and cold here...

GORE.3:00 PM

*The Beginning Of The Auditions.

its been more than two weeks since the remaining members of Obscure Phionix jammed together. and i see that we need more practice since the auditions for the drummers have started. on Friday, we auditioned Nicky. for the two hours we only jammed Second Heartbeat and A Gunshot To The Head Of Trepidation. and it was off. seriously, the remaining members of Obscure Phionix had lost touch. this week, we're going to audition another drummer and Nicky. so that means jamming two times in one week. i hope we can pull it off.

i've been thinking alot about guitars nowadays. hah. i'm interested in getting a new one, after NS of course.

first, my current guitar. B.C. Rich Beast Boris 2003 BodyArt Collection.

the specs: 24 frets, double original B.C. Rich humbuckers, 3 way tone, volume control, tone control.

next, the guitar that caught my eye. the B.C. Rich Zombie.

the specs: 24 frets, double original B.C. Rich humbuckers, 3 way tone, volume control, 2 tone control, tremolo. this is a fucking nice guitar.

next, the one that i'd really want. the Ibanez RG1820X.

the specs: 24 frets, Ibanez IBZ V7 neck humbucker, Ibanez IBZ V8 bridge humbucker, 3 way tone, volume control, 3 tone control, tremolo. woah. this guitar. love it.

next guitar. the ESP M-II.

the specs: 24 frets, double EMG 81 humbuckers, 3 way tone, volume control, tremolo. the reverse headstock is one to die for. haha.

oh yeah, since we're on guitars. my uncle is selling off his Jackson KE3 Kelly for $600. i'd buy it but i've got no cash. specs for this guitar: double humbucker, volume control, tone control, tremolo. i've no idea what the colour is but here's a picture off the Jackson website.

fucking nice isn't it. hahaha. so anyone up for it contact me.

last but not least. i love you, Shif. you're my one and only. and i'll never leave you.

i'll end it here.

Freakinly Mine, i love you.

insanely yours,

Qhai.

guitars, guitars, guitars.

GORE.7:59 PM

*Engulfed In Disease.

guess what? i'm having a hell of a fucking headache. damn. must be the fact that i played Medal Of Honor: Rising Sun on multiplayer for more than four hours. or maybe it's just me. now both of us, Shif and me, are sick.

this friday will be having jamming with the remaining members of Obscure Phionix in the search for a drummer. but still the leaving of Yazid is a big punch in the groin. yet, i'm going to open up a project band with him. Yazid's one of the best drummers i know and i'm not going to let him waste away. hah. anyway, i'm still looking for a vocalist. male or female.

that aside, my guitar skills have gone up a notch. hah. i can use my little finger now. and my sweeping has gone faster.

anything else, i'll update as soon as possible.

Freakinly Mine, i love you always.

insanely yours,
Qhai.

bleeding out the eyes.

Rocker juga manusia,
Punya rasa,
Punya hati...

This weight is so unbearable caving my lungs,
All my life seems to be flashing in front of my eyes,
In front of my eyes,
Run away from all the pain-all the pain of life,
Ways of devotion turn to obsession open your eyes,
I want you to see what you've done to me crying out those eyes,
Run away from all the pain-all the pain of life,
Bring my end to an end,
Distance yourself from the pain that covers me,
As I reach out for your hand to find there's nothing left for me,
Razors kiss the vein overdose for pain,
A 12 gauge cross kisses the forehead a savior in a shell,
Sever me from the fall,
Fuck the people,
Fuck the world,
Fuck it all,
Open my arms,
Bleed out the flood,
In crimson I begin to drown,
Run away from this pain of life,
Bring my end to an end,
Distance yourself from the pain that covers me,
As I reach out for your hand to find there's nothing left for me,
Distance yourself from the pain that covers me,
As I reach out for your hand to find there's nothing left for me...

GORE.9:27 AM