Monday, December 04, 2006
5 DAYS LEFT; MY LAST SERENADE.
before i start posting my crap. here's one entry all of you should read.
taken from freakinlyMINE's blog (constraintswithin.blogspot.com):
"
(Before you read this,just bear in mind that I typed this post while sobbing..)
And yes,this might shock you guys.Whenever I think of the situation that Im in right now,I just feel it isnt right. It feels shitty and stuff.
After having spent almost a year and two months with the boyfriend,I am stuck with another guy.It stinks,it seriously does.After having spent a blissful time with him,suddenly someone just comes to me,literally that is.Oh my God!Can somebody tell me what to do?Please.I love Qhai and all,but i just cant seem to let go of HIM.Yes,the mysterious guy whom I will classify as superbly cute with that voice that makes me shiver each time I speak to him on the phone.
I just cannot let go of him.I think of him at every single moment.Crush or fling?URGH.IM DEAD MEAT.It seems unfair to Qhai.He loves me,a lot.And by falling for someone just doesnt seem right you know?
Shiffa,do you know that you're putting yourself in a warzone?And the ball is is your court.You have to do something about it.
I told myself before,I'd never risk getting into a relationship anymore.Why?Because Im scared of the occurence of another Love Triangle.It just sucks you know.Qhai knows about it.And he,is dead sad.Shattered.I love Qhai.So much.And i cant bear to see him all sad and unhappy,afterall we've been through.Yet,i just couldnt let go of the other guy.
Qhai told me,if i were to like someone else,its up to me to make my own decision.I am not his wife and I am free to make my own decisions.Yes,he will be sad and angry,yet,he has to respect my decision.And his reason is because,he loves me.I broke down when he said that.And I still am now.He told me,NS will be another reason which might lead to our break up.With him tired and cranky,its possible for us to have a fight.That is understandable though.However,there is another thing that he said.
*Conversation of what Qhai said last Night during our phone call -
"Sayang,if we were to break up,and you want to come back to me.I'll always welcome you with open arms." He said it so soft and gently,yet again,i broke down.Those are the exact words that he said.
Oh God,help me.Am I always destined to go through this each time Im in a relationship?I feel sad.Very sad.
I guess,I'll just let time decide it for me.But please,tell me what I should do.Its draining me out,emotionally.
"
So to all of you who thinks my life is a smooth ride. You must be joking. I learnt one thing in my life is not to show sadness or anger in front of anyone. You do that and you'll affect EVERYONE around you. Trust me. This happens alot. Smile, smile, smile always.
Now, the highlight. Christmas Core. The gig was great i tell you. Putting aside the hiccups we got on stage, overall performance ended with positive comments from scenemates and fans. I was glad all of them liked our Original. All the bands were great. This is our last gig with Hafiz and our last gig of the year. We're still searching for a new bassist. Auditions starting end of December. We'll be performing again most probably June next year. After my POP, i guess. Christmas Core was my last serenade for all of you until June.
I going to miss everyone. Be sure of that. Remember me well. I will face the worst of every Singaporean male's life. National Service. I love all of you.
insanely yours,
Qhai.
Soon to be NS-man.
GORE.10:22 AM